For the next seven weeks I will be undergoing a transformation of mind body and spirit. The PTSD Program is an
intense cognitive restructuring process. I look forward to gaining new life skills in order to live a long and loving life. The upside of the program is an unlimited oppertunity to paint every day. Join me as I use art in a therapeutic setting and watch as…
So, here I am, just got home from a 12 hour day, eating chips and salsa, my comfort food. Oh how I love mexican junk food, it makes all of my worries go away…temporarily.
Today was crazy, insane and much like every other day of my life. I’ll start with the end and work my way toward this morning.
As you know, the day is ending with noms and I couldn’t be happier…well…yes I could but that will come later. Anyway, I just left Urban Laundry, my place of serenity. After a long day at the DOC, this place calms me down….I mean, duh, I play with clothes, it doesn’t really get any better. I am so thankful for this place and the wonderful people I work with including my amazing boss Jeni. She is what I needed 
Love ya girl!
Ok, I know, not so crazy yet right??? Just wait!
Before I could leave my job at DOC to start my fun job at Urban Laundry, I had to get a jump because “someone” left my lights on all day. Luckily I found help right away. Unluckily, I somehow managed to lock my keys in my car. Nice. My lovely co-worker called me a hot mess as he tried to jimmy my door open with numerous hangers. Thank the lord it finally worked!
My day at DOC…nothing out of the ordinary. Many little fires to put out. Transported a new prison release to a beautiful transitional living facility. Returned 5 gazillion phone calls and kept our community safe. “) Feel free to thank me with cookies.
Her we are now to the main reason for writing this post. This morning, after having a wonderful cup of coffee and arguing with Bailey over clothes…AGAIN, (The girl is only 10, how will I survive the teenage years?) I drove Mark to the VA and kissed him goodbye for 6-8 weeks. Many of you know that Mark suffers from PTSD and the two of us have really struggled over the past few months. Many of you also don’t understand this, us, our relationship. I can’t explain but I ask you to support me, us. This is a quote I am always reminded of when I am asked why I am still here.
Broken by battle…
Wounded by war…
My love is FOREVER–to you this I SWORE.
I WILL:
Quiet your silent screams…
Help heal your shattered soul…
Until once again, my love…
YOU ARE WHOLE!
Battle bare.
Mark is a beautiful, talented and caring man. This program is giving him the chance at the wonderful life he has envisioned. If you have time, take a look at his blog to see the amazing work he has done. You won’t regret it. Please keep Mark and I in your thoughts and prayers. Send us your good juju!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011, will be the third anniversary of my beautiful mothers death. 3 years. I still find that at times I have to force myself to believe it, it really happened, she is really gone.
So many things have happened since then. Life has continued. My son Mike has graduated from High School and is now in College. My son Dan will be a senior in the fall.
Hello Art fans,
A new day brings a new commission. I was asked to paint horses on one of my last antique windows in stock. So I went to one of my favorite artists Franz Marc from a small town near Munich. He was the founder of the German expressionists movement known as the Blue Rider. (Der Blau Reiter) Marc was killed in the battle of Verdun in WWI.
Just for today, I would like to change my tagline a little bit. Instead of crazy, I would like to insert the word "amazing". Don't get me wrong, my life is still crazy but I have had some great experiences over the past couple of days that warrant the temporary change.
This morning, I had the pleasure of attending my first ever Translator Lab.
Ugh, so here I am again….finally writing another blog post. It’s been quite awhile and I have been through quite a lot. Divorce, financial disaster, selling my home, working on a new relationship….many changes. The reason I came back and decided to write today is to help me through this gut wrenching pain I am experiencing right now. My son, Daniel, leaves to start his career in the Navy tomorrow. I am a wreck.
We’ve known about his decision for about 5 months and I truly believe it is a wise one. He will grow and learn in ways that I am not able to teach him. I know that this will be positive life changing experience and that he will soon become the man that his father and I know he can be. I couldn’t be prouder. But shit…..I can’t stop crying!
I’ve already had one child leave the house and that sucked but we got through it. Mike is an amazing son and has done nothing but impress us from the beginning. He was and still is a leader. When he left for college, we were confident. We could call, text, facebook or tweet whenever we wanted just to check in. Turns out he really didn’t need us to :/
But Dan! My baby boy! Ugh, I can’t call, text , facebook or tweet. How will I know that he is okay? How will I be able to tell him that he WILL be okay?? Seriously…how am I going to get through this next 8 weeks?? I am so proud of this young man but I do not want to let him go.
We tried to give him a great summer full of memories, something to look back on while he is in boot camp hell. I think that we succeeded…fingers crossed. I want him to know that he is loved. Dan, you know this right? You are loved!
What a totally inspiring weekend I just had! There is nothing like being with over 300 people with the same goal. We’re gonna kick Pancreatic Cancers ass…yes we are!
For those of you that don’t know, I, along with the Milwaukee Affiliate spent the weekend in Chicago attending the Pancreatic Cancer Action Networks’ Community Outreach Leadership Training. It was an emotional, inspiring and kind of exhausting time and I am filled with more love and admiration for my purple people than ever before.
Debbie Ryan was the keynote speaker and we were all blown away by her amazing story along with her passion to fight Pancreatic Cancer. Debbie is an incredible speaker and I’m pretty sure she left us all with goosebumps! I am now an official fan of Womens College Basketball
A few of my favorite moments;
Roberta Luna, a current PC fighter and survivor was presented with the Randy Paucsh Award. I love this woman. She is such a fighter and truly my hero. Having already lost multiple family members to PC, she continues to fight the beast head on. Never give up mama!
Meeting my “pancan twin”, Dana Quinn was a real treat. This little lady is such a fireball and is making some serious progress raising awareness and $$. She is also one of the cutest people ever!! Really, just look
Taryn Jones of NEPA won the award for Affiliate Coordinator of the year and she is also the inspiration for this post. What an incredible group of people NEPA is. I love you all and am so honored to be on your team!
My homies from New Jersey were honored with the Affiliate of the year award and there is no team more deserving. Enjoy it now though because Milwaukee is gonna take it all next year. Just saying
It’s interesting how life happens sometimes. How certain situations and people can completely blind side you and before you know it, your path has been totally turned around. To be honest, I was seriously considering leaving the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. Burnout, life changes and discouragement seemed to get the best of me. This weekend changed it all. Being with these people, there is nothing like it and I wouldn’t trade ‘em for anything! I’ve learned that I am not a quitter and neither is my pancan family. We WILL win!
Watch out world (and Pancreatic Cancer) Milwaukee is comin and we’re ready to fight! Laura, Steve, Jeanne, Melinda, Nikki, Trina and Mary Jo, I love you all!
Don’t forget, PurpleStride Milwaukee June 2!!
Yep, it’s true. I’m getting old and it’s time I face it. I’m almost over the hill…just under two more months and then it’s time to call it a day.
I am composing this post as I am just finishing up my first meal on over 48 hours. I was so looking forward to this moment . Thinking for ours about what beautiful and delicious morsels I was going to indulge in this evening. Nachos, of course were #1 on my list, duh. Come on, you know me I regretfully ended up with pizza and now my belly is cursing me. Dumb dumb chicken little. When will I ever learn to take it easy? I need to remember that I do not have the digestive system of a teenager. Maybe I need that tattooed on my forehead huh? No more lemonheads, spaghettios or chow mein noodles.
Anyway, I digress. It must be the anesthesia, I apologize. Let me get back to the point of this post. I’m getting old and it’s time I face it. Today I had the pleasure of experiencing the first of many…. an Endoscopy and Colonoscopy. Yes, I had a friggin tube up my a$$. How wonderful. Due to family history and now my age, I will be enjoying this every five years. I cannot tell you how exciting it is to drink 2 liters of sulfur water while trying not to gag followed by hours of…well, you know, “cleansing”. I did lose 5 pounds though. Thank God for the little things hey?! Needless to say, my bootay is quite raw 
. Ok, really, it’s the meds…again, I apologize.
I’m getting old and it’s time I face it. My conversations with my friends have turned from harmless gossip and fashion to a daily account of bowel movements. Have we no shame?? Nope. We poop and we’re proud! Ugh. So so sad what has happened to us. SMH.
So…before I continue to embarrass myself or my friends anymore, I will close.
To my girls…lets rock our 40′s ladies!!!
So, once again my family will be going through some changes. Financial, familial, emotional, and relational. This is going to be tough but I know we will be okay.This post is my hope in setting the tone for the rest of our lives.
Change is inevitable. It is a part of life. But it can also suck. I don’t want this to suck for my family. I want us to be okay.I believe that it takes a bit of courage to make a change. Right now Id like to feel courageous but I’m pretty much just scared shitless. This could be the biggest mistake of my life. I am reminded of a quote I found on my newest addiction, Pinterest, ” I would rather live with a life full of oh wells than of what ifs”.
So many emotions and feelings I’m struggling with right now; fear, anxiety, guilt, anticipation, selfishness, excitement and sadness. This list continues as I am sure you can imagine.
No one is to blame. This is no ones fault and there is no bad guy. It is what it is. People will talk. They will wonder, they will assume. This is what I have to say to them: “To thy own self be true”. Don’t worry about me or what I’m doing.
So if that’s how I feel then why write this?? Ahh….there is something that needs to be said and there is someone that needs to hear it.
You know who you are.
Loyal.
Honorable.
My friend.
A wonderful father.
Supporter.
Provider.
Caregiver.
Teacher.
Contrary to popular belief, I do love you. We have an amazing family and no matter where we are or what path we choose, we will still be a family.
We will be okay.
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